queer

Episode #159: A Conversation on Queerness with My Inner Circle of Queer Bbs Rachel, Kels & Kristen

Did I ever think I’d have a former partner, a queer platonic partner and a platonic life partner together for an in depth conversation around all things queerness? If you had told me a few years ago, I would have been like hell no. I didn’t even know platonic partnership could be a thing back then. AND to have former partners of mine want to participate in my world and be willing to navigate the nuance and intricacies of de-escalation alongside of me while also witnessing me in partnership? I imagined it — hoped for it — but to have it realized is such a gift.

I love these humans. They are some of my most treasured folks in my inner constellation of loved ones. I have learned so much from being in partnership and in sphere with Rach (she/her), Kels (they/them) and Kristen (she/her). And I am just so f*cking excited to share this conversation with one of you.

It might just be my favorite episode to date.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • queer-ness as a celebration of anti-normative living and being

  • the idea of hierarchy and the variety of what commitment can look like in relationships

  • romantic, platonic relationships

  • internalized homophobia

  • the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality

  • how the patriarchy and comp het impacts queer dynamics

  • and a shit ton of goofy energy and personal stories

CONNECT WITH KRISTEN, RACH & KELS:

Instagram: Kristen | Rach | Kels

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

Episode 100: This Is Pride (We’re Here And We’re Queer)

Rachels previous episodes: Episode 148: Platonic Intimacy & Why We Really Went On A Break | Episode 86 | Episode 64: How Fluid id Sexuality Anyways? | Episode 51: Breaking the Stigma of Therapy | Episode 37: The Truth About Anxiety | Episode 9

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Snag one of Amanda’s June somatic embodiment coaching pop up sessions : 60 mins | 90 mins

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #158: Cultivating Queer Community with Rainn Thomas

This is my fifth pride out as a queer person, and I would be lying if I said that I haven’t felt at a loss on how to being to find queer community. Part of queer-ness isn’t just going from thinking you’re straight to knowing you’re queer and then voila, you’ve got the queer life of your dreams. It’s a whirlwind of unpacking comp het, going through queer puberty (I used to scoff at the idea of this but it’s a thing), and finding where you feel the most at home and yourself in your queerness.

Not to mention getting your brain unf*cked from the patriarchy.

These are conversations I have in my own circles, often, and I’m so grateful to have someone like Rainn in my own life to learn from and converse with. And I’m even more stoked that they agreed to come on the pod for us to have one of these conversations with all of you.

If you aren’t familiar with Rainn (She/They), she is a Black lesbian artist and writer living in Chicago. She’s the Host and Co-Organizer of Fruit Salad, a monthly queer open mic. Her writing has appeared in several online publications, and her second poetry chapbook, “In our hands, citrus” will be released later this year. Her artwork has appeared at Co-Prosperity Sphere, The Whistler, The Robin in the Martin, and The Franklin.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • how the fuck to make queer friends

  • their queer timeline and how she’s navigated all things non monogamy, internalized homophobia and de-escalations in their relationships

  • why lesbianism means so much to her

  • how to know where you belong

  • local artist & queer community, and the way she’s personally contributing to it with Fruit Salad

  • all things chosen family, sapphic love, power dynamics in relationships and beyond

ALL THINGS BEDUCATED:

Get 40% off yearly pass for Beducated — use code: fuckyes

Best part? You can try ALL Beducated courses for 1 Day FREE! You won’t get charged for the first 24 hours so if it’s not for you, you can cancel.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Rainn’s Instagram

Fruit Salad | Dorothy Downstairs | The Martin

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Snag one of Amanda’s June somatic embodiment coaching pop up sessions : 60 mins | 90 mins

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #156: Let's Talk Queer Platonic Partnership with my QPP, Kels

Well, fuck, this episode means the world to me and I am just so damn grateful to get to introduce you all beyond the gram to my queer platonic partner, Kels (they/them).

I’ve loved cultivating this partnership over the last year of my life. They mean the absolute world to me, and finding our way into what we are today has been a journey — one that I’m very proud of, and one that we get into the nitty gritty of in this conversation.

Relationships don’t have to be sexual to be partnerships. Period. Our relationship continues to show me the depth and epic nature of platonic intimacy. And how epic and nuanced queer love is. How our queer love is. And I’m so deeply honored to get to share a little big piece of this love of mine with all of you.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • the story of our love and how we’ve evolved into what we are today

  • the different types of attraction

  • the fear/complexities of building the blueprint of non-traditional relationships like ours

  • the overlap of the non monogamous and queer communities

  • what our queer platonic partnership looks like in practice

  • queer-ing your relationships, identity, top surgery, queer/gender expression & beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #154: Is Hierarchy In Relationships Ethical? Let's F*cking Talk About It.

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #153: Witchy Queer Liberation Magic & What's To Come In 2023 With Resident Astrologer Jordan Shomer

SHE’S BACK!!! And holy balls is this conversation juicy AF.

If you’re newer to the pod, Jordan Shomer (she/her) is a friend, colleague and our very own resident astrologer. Jordan is a Queer Jewish intuitive astrologer who recognizes the patterns and puzzles of astrology and synthesizes them into stories that land on your heart. She believes that within the map of the stars lives a blueprint to healing and guidebook to growth. She is passionate about holding space for you to greet yourself in all your cosmic glory. And f*ck me, is she pure magic.

Every time we have Jordan on, I get full body chills. And in preparation for todays episode, I listened back to the episode we last did in December 2021 and when I tell you every. thing. that. she. predicated. came. true.

And in true to form of our previous episodes, I got hella fucking emotional and am brimming with gratitude for this conversation, and I know you will feel it too. And learn SO much about what’s to come and where we’re moving from as a collective, so you can come home to yourself as the uniquely beautiful individual you are.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • owning and embodying our intuitive witchy selves

  • your sun, moon and rising signs in astrology

  • setting boundaries and navigating the patriarchal culture in our intimate relationships

  • saturn returns, what to expect, and how Amanda’s coincided with the downfall of her marriage

  • standing in your power and coming home to your wholehearted self

  • anti-capitalism, what to expect astrologically speaking in 2023, finding the magic in the mess, breaking the binary, some personal updates & beyond

CONNECT WITH JORDAN:

Jordans Instagram | Newsletter

Book a reading with Jordan

Moon gatherings

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

Jordans previous episodes: episode 76, episode 111

The 7 spiritual laws of success by Deepak Choprah

Alok V Menon

All About love

Thousand Miles (feat. Brandi Carlisle) by Miley Cyrus

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #152: Ambiamory & Finding Your Authentic Path In A Binary World

I dropped the “I don’t identify as polyamorous anymore” bomb a few months ago & I’m finally sharing the behind the scenes of why I arrived there. I promise you, it’s not what many folks think.

So let’s get the fuck into it, bbs.

Some things I talk about in todays episode:

  • The mess and the magic of sifting through identity markers to figure out who the fuck you are

  • My own process of feeling seen within the label of ambiamory and what it means

  • The collective cry around breaking the binary, and what that has looked like for my own journey

  • My unique timeline of queer liberation, relationship anarchy, demisexuality, divorce & coming home to my deepest knowing

  • Critical thinking & navigating the nuance of humanity

  • Sifting through the balance of rejecting, at my core, the patriarchy & capitalism while finding ways to flow within the structures we currently have to operate within

  • Witchy astrology queer shit, somatic healing, trauma and nervous system recovery, gender fluidity & expression and beyond.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Who I am Updated Instagram post

Ambiamory definition

Episode 151: Let’s Talk Relationship Anarchy

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - support the pod & join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join email list for occasional nudges, offerings and love.

Episode #148: Platonic Intimacy & Why We Really Went On A Break | A Conversation With My Platonic Life Partner Rachel Wright

Today’s episode is one I honestly wasn’t sure would or could ever happen.

If you’ve been around these parts for a while, you will know Rachel Wright not just as the incredible psychotherapist & sex educator, but as one of my dearest friends, collaborators & business partners.

From the moment we met in 2018, we instantly knew we were kindred spirits. Meant to meet. And we spent the next few years being partners in the truest form of the word.

Platonic partners, but partners. We were each others lifeline and person on all things coming out as bi/pan/queer, on all things non monogamy and, truly, just in everything in life.

What you don’t know is that we didn’t talk for almost an entire year.

And today, six months after we began the process of repairing our relationship, we sit down for an extended conversation about what really happened & where we are today — in our relationship, and in our individual selves as queer, non monogamous folks.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The nitty gritty on the first time we met up after a year long, no contact break

  • The intense grief that comes with losing a friendship & the fear/anxiety around attempting to rekindle it

  • Codependency in platonic relationships

  • Where we are now in our relationship with each other

  • How Rach’s relationship with her three primary partners came to be

  • Where we both stand in our queer & non monogamous identities now

  • Queer crushes, butt plugs, polyamorous breakups, play parties, relationship anarchy & beyond

CONNECT WITH RACHEL:

Rachels Website | Instagram 

Article Rach Wrote Where She Came Out As Polyamorous

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Get all your self pleasure & partnered play vibes with Dame pleasure products — AMANDA10

Sexy safer sex practices for all my vulva ownin’ baddies with My Lorals Undies - AMANDA10

Episode 64: How Fluid Is Sexuality Really

John Romaniello

Episode 142 on Different Relationship Models

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for freebies, musings & first dibs on announcements/offers

Episode #147: We're Here & We're Queer | A Conversation on Fluidity with Kiana Lewis

Photo by: @tonals.corner

How the f*ck do we even begin to feel at home in our queerness, let alone cultivate queer community when we’re starting to come out and own our sexuality?

When I first came out four years ago (this month!), I felt SO damn confused. And SO damn alone. And, to be honest, I often still struggle to feel connected to my queerness beyond my individual self.

Learning from Kiana and, honestly, just watching them live their life so damn connected to her queerness and authenticity has been so liberating for me — and I knew you would all resonate SO strongly with and learn so much from their energy, her story and their lived experience as a queer, and former non monogamous, person.

If you’re new to all things Healing Is Imperfect, Kiana (she/they) is a Black queer twenty something in love with her partner, her friends and her cat. She is a sex educator, pleasure mentor and sex work advocate. They believe in the past, present and future liberation of all people through fighting anti-Blackness, centering the queer and trans community, and connecting to whatever one considers spiritual. Kiana has learned from and is fueled by pleasure activism. She loves dancing, being by bodies of water, analyzing too many things and quoting their favorite TV shows and movies.

Things she highlights and what we talk about in todays episode:

  • their journey doing sex work

  • taking nudes & the safety/fears around sharing our bodies

  • honoring our lineages through the work we do & the way we show up in the world

  • the multiple phases of our coming out journeys

  • how they began to cultivate their local queer community & where you can start with your own journey

  • going from 5 years of non monogamy to monogamy in their current relationship

  • the struggle of dating cis men, navigating the patriarchy, gender expression, identity politics and beyond

CONNECT/WORK WITH KIANA:

Their Instagram @healingisimperfect

1:1 Pleasure Mentoring via The Expansive Group

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Get all your self pleasure & partnered play vibes with Dame pleasure products — AMANDA10

Sexy safer sex practices for all my vulva ownin’ baddies with My Lorals Undies - AMANDA10

@_sagetheflame @queersextherapy

Inventing Anna

It’s About Damn Time

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #146: Scars Don't Mean You're Broken

We all have scars.

The physical ones that we see, and all of the ones that are there that we can’t.

But we feel them. We know them. And, sometimes, we discover we have them years into our adult lives and the shame, the guilt, the overwhelm of processing it all can be all consuming and incredibly fucking daunting to face.

TW: self loathing, body image, medical procedures/needles

In todays episode and in honor of mental health awareness month, Amanda talks about her journey with scars — both physical and beyond. And shares some truth bombs & support around how you can start your own journey in detaching yourself from the shame and guilt of the scars you keep.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 144

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join her email list for all the important things / future group coaching & teaching announcements

Episode #144: The Growth Is In The Unlearning, Baby

Todays episode is all about the “growth mindset” mentality vs. the process of unbecoming, unlearning and coming home to ourselves that so many of you asked Amanda for after her instagram stories last week.

As someone who lives her life outside of many of the traditional norm boxes that our society is rooted in, this has been on her heart big time, lately, and it’s clearly been on yours too. We’re surely a unique bunch and the Live Your F*ck Yes Life community wouldn’t be what it is without all of you — my fellow people pleasing, trauma navigating, queer and/or non monogamous humans (and beyond!)

So pop in your headphones, snag something yummy and cozy if it feels good to you & let’s dive in.

TW: eating disorder cycles, diet culture, trauma, panic attacks

Things she talks about in todays episode:

  • The desperation for true belonging

  • The environment of the “fit in” mentality to thrive and be enough

  • The good and the harmful pillars around the growth mindset & pop culture “hustle & grind” mentality

  • Her experience moving from Canada to the US at nineteen and how growing up in and around immigrant families has impacted her experience living in the US

  • Moving through the “starving artist” trope for the last decade as an actor & performer

  • The impact of capitalism, the patriarchy & white supremacy on her choices, paths & perspectives

  • Navigating feelings of broken-ness, fear, lack of purpose, panic & beyond

Episode #133: Demisexual Sluts Unite | A Conversation with Jessica Levity

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Demisexual sluts unite.

Okay, all jokes aside for a minute, today on the podcast, we’re deep diving into all things demisexuality. Whether you identify as a slut or not, you’re gonna LOVE this conversation where my friend and fellow polyamorous creator & educator Jess deep dive into our personal experiences coming into our demisexuality — and so much more.

Who is Jess? Jessica Levity (she/her) is a digital media and live entertainment producer and entertainer livin' in Reno, Nevada. Pre-panny you could find her on stage in a variety of touring shows through her company Homeslice Productions. After the pandemic killed her industry, she finally launched a "back-burner" project called "Remodeled Love", whose mission is to "expand the cultural narrative on healthy relationships and polyamory". It is now her most successful (and global) project! She's a white, cis woman, who identifies as a queer, polyamorous, demisexual slut. She's also a mama, an anti-capitalist, and witchy as fuck.

If you don’t know her, get ready to fall in love with her energy, her real-ness and the hilarity that ensues in this conversation.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Woo practices & outlining the most important pieces of our dating profiles

  • The definition of demisexuality

  • What being demisexual has meant for us

  • Our group chat of polyamorous creators

  • How things plays into our individual journeys with kink

  • How we both feel about being demisexual and how it impacts our polyamorous journeys

  • Power, expectations, flirting, body dysmorphia and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Jess’s Instagram | Website

Remodeled podcast

Jessamyn Stanley

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Become a Patreon of the podcast

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #132: What Healing Really Looks Like | A Conversation with Dana Christy

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TW: eating disorder cycles, bullying, queer shame, the holocaust, rape

When I was thinking about how I wanted to start this season, I knew I couldn’t get into any conversation and bring anyone on before speaking to the deepest thread of my personal life these last few months and since the end of season 5. Which is why I am so excited to share this conversation and human with you.

Dana Christy (they/she) — to me — is before anything, one of my deepest personal healers & someone I am grateful to call a friend. To the rest of the world, they are a queer and trauma informed certified Shiatsu practitioner, licensed Massage Therapist, and therapeutic yoga practitioner under the umbrella of her wellness practice WellSpring Healing Arts.

Dana studied bodywork and East Asian Medicine at Zen Shiatsu Chicago and earned yoga teaching certifications for children and adults with Global Family Yoga and Yogaview. Dana specializes in working with trauma, autoimmune conditions, chronic illness, and the LGBTQIAP+ community.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The various roles we play in our day to day life

  • What I’ve been navigating within my own healing journey the last year

  • Chronic pain / symptoms

  • How to even begin to come home to your body

  • The bullshit narrative of healing in our culture today

  • The “healed people heal people” trend on Tik tok and why we hate it

  • WTF trauma even is

  • Yeast infections, queer shame, recovery, simple & accessible healing tools and beyond

Episode #130: What Pride Means To Me Now

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And just like that, we’ve come full circle and are at the end of this season of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast. Which feels incredibly fitting to be ending at the beginning of Pride month since Amanda started this season with coming out as polyamorous.

What. A. Season.

On todays episode, Amanda reflects on the last two years of her life. On what coming into her queerness, and coming out has done for her. On what navigating the waters of polyamory has given her. And so much more.

Pull up a chair, some headphones, or a cup of coffee and join her as we close out this season with an emotionally heartfelt heart to heart.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Let’s Talk Polyamory live q&a community zoom — sign up here

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session - for all things polyamory

Youtube version of this episode

Episode 100

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new long term coaching clients for the remainder of 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #129: Bisexuality, Polyamory & Coming Home To Yourself | A Q&A episode

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Todays episode is a little different & fun — I’m answering some incredible community based questions around all things sexuality, polyamory and beyond.

I haven’t done a q&a episode in a while, and while I answer questions all of the time on Instagram and Tik Tok, it’s really tough to really peel back the curtain and answer with any level of depth on those platforms. So today, we’re getting down and dirty in the goods.

Pull up your headphones and press play to laugh alongside of me and rock out this special episode!

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Virtual Summit

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session - for all things polyamory

Youtube version of this episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #123: I Spent Years Hiding | A Solo Episode

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In todays solo episode, Amanda candidly shares about her pattern of hiding — something she’s been actively working on in therapy for the past few years.

She deep dives into the ways in which she’s hidden in her life — via her years of eating disorder cycles, hiding her goofy self because of her years of being bullied all the way to hiding her sexuality and propensity to polyamory.

Wanna know how to fully embody your fuck yes self? Breaking the pattern of hiding is a crucial step. So let’s deep dive into this emotionally raw episode and bring the tissues — you may need them. She certainly did.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patron!

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session

Youtube version of this episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #114: Your Bisexuality is Valid AF | My Full Coming Out Story

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I’ve been getting a lot of questions around what the ins and outs of me coming into my bisexuality, and I realized I’ve never dedicated an entire episode to this very important topic — and that changes today!

In todays episode, I dig deeper into:

  • the three big reasons why I didn’t own my sexuality until my late twenties

  • the timeline of me coming into my sexuality

  • why I didn’t have an intimate experience with a woman until I was 28 years old

  • why I believe we’re seeing such an upswing in people coming out as part of the LGBTQ+ community and as gender fluid the last few years

  • why I started owning my bisexuality and propensity for polyamory at the same time

    … and so much more

We’re breaking the stigma around bisexuality once and for all — so let’s dive into this magic.

You ready? Here we go.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patron!

Video version of the podcast

Love What Matters Article

Episode 99: A Conversation About Racism with My Ex Boyfriend

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #113: Let's Talk People Pleasing | A Solo Episode

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The “I Don’t Give A F*ck” mentality that everyone tells you you need to achieve in order to be a badass, confident goddess? It’s Bullsh*t.

For the longest time, I have self identified as a people pleaser. At first it was seen pretty exclusively through a negative lens — and in many ways, it was something I *really* struggled with. 

  • I gave so much of myself to everyone else that there was nothing left to give myself and I would walk around every day feeling so burnt out & irritated.

  • I unknowingly practiced co-dependency in many of my relationships and rarely got any of my needs or desires met — which led to heartache, resentment and beyond. 

  • And I was SO focused on what everyone else thought about me that it led me to years of eating disorder cycles, staying in toxic relationships, staying in the closet around my queerness and my polyamory and beyond.

...just to name a few.

In todays episode of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, I break down what people pleasing really is all about and how it CAN be a superpower of yours — you just have to know what tools to implement so you can fully step out of the darkness and into your unique magic.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

Backup & fun new Instagram: @liveyourfuckyeslife

Video version of the podcast

Episode 85 with Taylor Nolan from the Bachelor

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #110: The Happiest Season? Not So Happy After All | A Solo Episode

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I was so excited to watch this movie. So excited. A holiday rom com center in around a queer couple on a major network AND one with many queer voices and folx behind the scenes? After a long and hard week, I was SO ready to get in my cozies, soak up the Christmas tree and have my big ol’ bi heart feel seen and get into the holiday spirit.

And instead of experiencing the feel good beautiful holiday love story I was so ready to receive, I spent almost the entirety of the movie feeling triggered, angry and frustrated. And also openly weeping because so much of this story depicted aspects of my own journey as a queer and polyamorous human and damn, was it hard for me to watch. 

I deep dive into this at length in todays of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, but here are the Coles notes (YES I mean Coles and not Cliffs. Y’all Americans took that shit from us Canadians and repurposed it and COLES CAME FIRST BITCHES).

For one — and this is MAJOR and damn am I so tired of it — there were hardly any BIPOC on screen (god forbid a main character — we need to do better) or any representation of body diversity — ‘cause all queer folx are obviously thin *rolls eyes* This movie centered around privilege in more ways than I know how to count and while it’s true that these experiences reflect *some* of the LGBTQ+ experience, it is not the norm BY ANY MEANS. It’s 2020. We need to do better.

Moving beyond those very deeply important things, this movie, as sooo many rom coms have been for years, was, in my opinion (and take that with whatever grain of salt ‘cause I can only ever speak from my own experiences and my understanding of this work from years of therapy and research ‘cause I’m a communication and relationship dynamics nerd), fraught with SO many problematic relationship dynamics: 

To name a few that I speak deeper around in todays episode:

  • intense lack of consent

  • emotional abuse that gets rewarded

  • bullying on SO many levels

  • divorce-shaming

  • homophobic parents who magically change their mind overnight

…and that’s just scratching the surface. 

And that can…all be, I suppose, downplayed because “it’s just a story! aren’t all rom coms or cheesy holiday movies like this?” or “at least there’s representation!” — I stand by this one for sure, and I know many lesbians and LGBTQ+ humans who are grateful for this piece of it so HELL YEAH, at least we got a minor win there. But for gods sake, the LGBTQ+ community is not new. We’ve been around for a fucking LONG time. We’ve been kept in the closet. Navigated so much of the shame and triggering experiences around coming out and it’s exhausting. This movie is, in my opinion, not for the queers — as it has been marketed to us for months. I honestly don’t know who it’s for. 

I’ve spent the last few days speaking with MANY of you in my DMs on Instagram and have been ruminating on my thoughts and after almost a hundred of you asked me to do an episode around my feelings, I knew I needed to turn on the mic. 

So head on over to todays episode of the pod to hear my deeper thoughts and feelings around this, and some personal anecdotes of my own life that I’ve never shared before.

I’d love to hear your thoughts after you listen. We’ll be talking more about this in the NEW Live Your F*ck Yes Life patreon private Facebook group too so if you’re a member (or hop in and become a new member, I’ll see you in there!

And for all of my fellow LGBTQ+ — no matter what your experiences or where you’re at in your own coming out journeys — I see you. I love you. You are so fucking enough. 

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Virtual Summit — replay access

Episode 100 - This Is Pride: We’re Here and We’re Queer

The Happiest Season on Hulu

Feel Good - watch on Netflix

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 2-3 new coaching clients come Jan 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if it’s a good fit.

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #103: Let's Talk About Sex Baby with Gabrielle Kassel

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This week on the podcast, we deep dive into all things sex with Gabrielle Kassel. This episode is a MUST listen if you are having sex. And yes…I definitely share some personal stories I never thought I’d be talking about online — Mom, maybe don’t listen to this one!

Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a sexual health journalist who focuses on creating sex-positive, queer-inclusive, health-informed stories about everything from scissor and anal fisting to STI testing and aftercare, whos work has been published in various publications such as Cosmopolitan, Healthline, Women's Health, Greatist, Men's Health, Shape, Well and Good, and more. She's also in training to be a sex educator and does CrossFit coaching on the side.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • How she got into queer focused sex journalism

  • The most vulnerable share she’s shared online about her own sex life

  • How being a sex journalist has impacted her personal life

  • How to communicate and get your get your needs met in the bedroom

  • Queer sex

  • How to amplify your sex life

  • Orgasms, and how she had her first orgasm this year

  • Sex toys, masturbation, anal play and beyond!

Episode #100: This Is Pride (We're Here And We're Queer)

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100 episodes.

Just saying that out loud feels surreal. 100 episodes ago, I launched this podcast with a dream — a dream to cultivate a space for real, honest and candid conversations around all sorts of topics. I didn’t know where it was going to go. But I knew that the conversations I was having around taboo or TMI subjects behind closed doors with my friends and fellow entrepreneurs were ones that needed to be shared publicly.

When we leave things unsaid or don’t talk about things in the open, shame around that subject develops. And if there’s anything that I strive for with all of the work that I do is to embolden everyone I teach and come across to revel in their uniqueness and release anything holding them back not allowing them to live their f*ck yes life.

And I do it alongside of them. Alongside of you. Because coming home to yourself is lifelong work — and the deepest and most important work a human can do, in my opinion.

Owning my queerness has been a huge part of my coming home story. A year ago, almost to the date, I came out publicly on the podcast as bisexual. And today, as we close out season 4, I am deeply honored to be joined by eight queer humans that I deeply admire, respect and love to celebrate Pride and the LGBTQ+ community.

This podcast takes a format unlike any episode I’ve ever done. And I can’t wait for you to listen. To absorb these stories. To hear yourself in their voices (no matter how you identify sexually). And to help me celebrate 100 episodes.

You ready? Let’s go.