toxic monogamy culture

Episode #154: Is Hierarchy In Relationships Ethical? Let's F*cking Talk About It.

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

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Episode #135: WTF Should We Need & Expect Of Our Partners | A Conversation with Gabrielle Stone

You loved her the last time she was here and she’s BACK!

Gabrielle Stone (she/her), a fan favorite on the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, makes no secret about her past with toxic relationships & a cheating MF of an ex husband. And she’s shared it all in her best selling books and on her podcast and beyond. I’ve been having a lot of conversations in my DMs and with friends about the expectations and needs we place on our partners and, given that I am polyamorous and inherently bring that bias and lens to any conversation around relationships, I wanted to bring on someone who consciously chooses monogamy to have this conversation with and knew that Gabrielle was the gal to call upon.

Things we talk about on this episode:

  • conversations we’ve had with our friends around the important things in relationships

  • our shared need to be seen, loved and championed for who we are

  • how societal norms have informed our paths in relationship dynamics & choices

  • the importance of communication

  • the BS narrative that healing can only happen when we’re single

  • the lessons we can take from the relationships we’ve had and have

  • the idea “soulmate” or “the one”

  • Amanda’s constellation way of viewing her relationships

  • the needs & expectations we have in our romantic partnerships

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Summit: Non Monogamy & Polyamory

Gabrielle’s Instagram

The Ridiculous Misadventures of A Single Girl

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy Culture

Episode 125: Eat, Pray, #FML with Gabrielle Stone

FML Talk: F%ck Polyamory

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer Support Sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Become a Patreon of the podcast

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #134: I'm Addicted To You Don't You Know That You're Toxic Monogamy Culture

I’ve been sharing more and more about toxic monogamy culture and it’s been a super polarizing subject. For many, they outright deny that it could even be a thing. For others, it’s been a massive lightbulb a-ha moment where everything starts to make sense about why they’ve felt so much resistance for so long. And other folks are like F*CK YESSSS THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS IT’S SUCH A THING AND NOBODY DOES!

It’s a lot to navigate through — the responses, the emotions and our own unique response when we’re met with the idea of toxic monogamy culture in the first place — and I get it! It was A LOT for me to wrap my head around too when I started unpacking it in my own life. So today, we’re deep diving into this incredibly important topic and getting into the juicy details once and for all.

Things I cover in todays episode:

  • how me just being who I am is in and of itself polarizing for so many folks

  • compulsory heteronormativity & monogamy

  • approaching life from a lens of curiosity

  • how toxic monogamy culture is possible in monogamy AND polyamory

  • my perspective on monogamy as a whole

  • WTF toxic monogamy actually is

  • The relationship escalator

  • Some prime examples of how toxic monogamy shows up in relationships