Amanda Katherine Loy

Episode #154: Is Hierarchy In Relationships Ethical? Let's F*cking Talk About It.

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #150: I Belong To Me

Welcome back to the pod my queer-dos, loves and everyone in between.

It feels really fitting to be coming back to the pod at this time of year — not just post the first birthday I’ve had in years that wasn’t surrounded by chaos and pain because of my personal life, but also because this marks the 5 year anniversary of the pod. Crazy balls.

So much of the last six months since I saw you last here has been me healing post divorce (and all that came with leaving) and integrating the values I have into my day to day world. And, in that, so much of my focus has been on belonging — both to myself, and what I want belonging in community and in space to look and feel like, both within interpersonal relationships and as the artist and facilitator that I am.

And in todays episode, we deep dive into all of that and more.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Fucking Queer Merch

Episode 149 : Divorce Is Not A Dirty Word

32 Things Instagram Post

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - support the pod & join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join her email list for all the important things / future group coaching & teaching announcements

Episode #148: Platonic Intimacy & Why We Really Went On A Break | A Conversation With My Platonic Life Partner Rachel Wright

Today’s episode is one I honestly wasn’t sure would or could ever happen.

If you’ve been around these parts for a while, you will know Rachel Wright not just as the incredible psychotherapist & sex educator, but as one of my dearest friends, collaborators & business partners.

From the moment we met in 2018, we instantly knew we were kindred spirits. Meant to meet. And we spent the next few years being partners in the truest form of the word.

Platonic partners, but partners. We were each others lifeline and person on all things coming out as bi/pan/queer, on all things non monogamy and, truly, just in everything in life.

What you don’t know is that we didn’t talk for almost an entire year.

And today, six months after we began the process of repairing our relationship, we sit down for an extended conversation about what really happened & where we are today — in our relationship, and in our individual selves as queer, non monogamous folks.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The nitty gritty on the first time we met up after a year long, no contact break

  • The intense grief that comes with losing a friendship & the fear/anxiety around attempting to rekindle it

  • Codependency in platonic relationships

  • Where we are now in our relationship with each other

  • How Rach’s relationship with her three primary partners came to be

  • Where we both stand in our queer & non monogamous identities now

  • Queer crushes, butt plugs, polyamorous breakups, play parties, relationship anarchy & beyond

CONNECT WITH RACHEL:

Rachels Website | Instagram 

Article Rach Wrote Where She Came Out As Polyamorous

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Get all your self pleasure & partnered play vibes with Dame pleasure products — AMANDA10

Sexy safer sex practices for all my vulva ownin’ baddies with My Lorals Undies - AMANDA10

Episode 64: How Fluid Is Sexuality Really

John Romaniello

Episode 142 on Different Relationship Models

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for freebies, musings & first dibs on announcements/offers

Episode #146: Scars Don't Mean You're Broken

We all have scars.

The physical ones that we see, and all of the ones that are there that we can’t.

But we feel them. We know them. And, sometimes, we discover we have them years into our adult lives and the shame, the guilt, the overwhelm of processing it all can be all consuming and incredibly fucking daunting to face.

TW: self loathing, body image, medical procedures/needles

In todays episode and in honor of mental health awareness month, Amanda talks about her journey with scars — both physical and beyond. And shares some truth bombs & support around how you can start your own journey in detaching yourself from the shame and guilt of the scars you keep.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 144

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join her email list for all the important things / future group coaching & teaching announcements

Episode #138: Why Resolutions Are More Harmful Than Helpful Right Now

Happy 2022 loves.

Or should I say, WTF am I doing with my life continued.

Anyone else feeling this way? I know I am.

I always have lots of feelings about new years resolutions, goal setting and beyond. But this year, it’s different in a profound way. And I’m coming at you hot with a solo episode from my heart to yours sharing all about my struggles entering a new year — and I’m guessing you can relate.

So grab a cup of coffee and join me as we kick off the new year with a change in perspective on some tried and true rituals that just don’t MF serve us anymore.

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support session

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #132: What Healing Really Looks Like | A Conversation with Dana Christy

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TW: eating disorder cycles, bullying, queer shame, the holocaust, rape

When I was thinking about how I wanted to start this season, I knew I couldn’t get into any conversation and bring anyone on before speaking to the deepest thread of my personal life these last few months and since the end of season 5. Which is why I am so excited to share this conversation and human with you.

Dana Christy (they/she) — to me — is before anything, one of my deepest personal healers & someone I am grateful to call a friend. To the rest of the world, they are a queer and trauma informed certified Shiatsu practitioner, licensed Massage Therapist, and therapeutic yoga practitioner under the umbrella of her wellness practice WellSpring Healing Arts.

Dana studied bodywork and East Asian Medicine at Zen Shiatsu Chicago and earned yoga teaching certifications for children and adults with Global Family Yoga and Yogaview. Dana specializes in working with trauma, autoimmune conditions, chronic illness, and the LGBTQIAP+ community.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The various roles we play in our day to day life

  • What I’ve been navigating within my own healing journey the last year

  • Chronic pain / symptoms

  • How to even begin to come home to your body

  • The bullshit narrative of healing in our culture today

  • The “healed people heal people” trend on Tik tok and why we hate it

  • WTF trauma even is

  • Yeast infections, queer shame, recovery, simple & accessible healing tools and beyond

Episode #131: What Living My F*ck Yes Life Means To Me Now

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Happy start to season 6, my Live Your F*ck Yes Lifers.

It always brings up so much gratitude for me when I kick off a new season of the podcast, and this one is no different.

As always, on this podcast, we tackle taboo subjects that aren’t spoken to very often. And we’re going in that space this season, DEEP. And I ask that you come in, as always, with an open heart and mind. Create space in yourself to learn and be curious. This is how we grow beyond our wildest dreams, my loves. Let’s do the damn thing.

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • The mess of being a MF human

  • The light & the darkness and everything in between

  • Where the podcast is moving from now on / what to expect moving forward

  • The things I’ve navigated over the course of the last 3 years

  • Coming home to yourself

  • Change & evolution & full circles and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Polyam / ENM peer support sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #130: What Pride Means To Me Now

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And just like that, we’ve come full circle and are at the end of this season of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast. Which feels incredibly fitting to be ending at the beginning of Pride month since Amanda started this season with coming out as polyamorous.

What. A. Season.

On todays episode, Amanda reflects on the last two years of her life. On what coming into her queerness, and coming out has done for her. On what navigating the waters of polyamory has given her. And so much more.

Pull up a chair, some headphones, or a cup of coffee and join her as we close out this season with an emotionally heartfelt heart to heart.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Let’s Talk Polyamory live q&a community zoom — sign up here

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session - for all things polyamory

Youtube version of this episode

Episode 100

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new long term coaching clients for the remainder of 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #129: Bisexuality, Polyamory & Coming Home To Yourself | A Q&A episode

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Todays episode is a little different & fun — I’m answering some incredible community based questions around all things sexuality, polyamory and beyond.

I haven’t done a q&a episode in a while, and while I answer questions all of the time on Instagram and Tik Tok, it’s really tough to really peel back the curtain and answer with any level of depth on those platforms. So today, we’re getting down and dirty in the goods.

Pull up your headphones and press play to laugh alongside of me and rock out this special episode!

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Virtual Summit

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session - for all things polyamory

Youtube version of this episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #126: WTF To Do When You're Heartbroken AF

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On todays solo episode of the podcast, Amanda deep dives into her journey through heartbreak and grief over the last year of her life.

Grief is a beast. And the last year has been a year where collectively and individually, we’ve been grieving in a deeper way than ever before. Friendships have shifted. Longterm partnerships have ended. And dating? Don’t even get her started on it.

Check out todays episode for a deep behind the scenes dive into the struggles with heartbreak and grief that Amanda has faced recently and the major takeaways they have given her. If you’ve navigated heartbreak and the end of relationships in your life, this episode is for you, love.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patron!

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session

Let’s Talk Polyamory community zoom call

Youtube version of this episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #117: It's Okay To Not Be Okay | A Solo Episode

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So many of you have been sharing with me that you’ve been having a global case of the “meh”s. Feeling constantly exhausted and not sure how to be/do/behave and beyond.

I had another episode planned for today but after so many of you responded that you were also feeling this way, I decided to hop on the podcast and share a quickie episode about why it’s never been more normal for these feelings to exist — for us to not be okay.

And yeah — I get candid AF about my own experience with this shit and into it with my nerdery around neuroscience. You know I can’t help myself.

Want twenty minutes of feeling better about why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling (or not feeling much of anything these days) and it’s exhausting? This episode is for you.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

LIVE YOUR F*CK YES LIFE VIRTUAL SUMMIT TICKETS — SELF LOVE & BODY CONFIDENCE EDITION

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patron!

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #113: Let's Talk People Pleasing | A Solo Episode

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The “I Don’t Give A F*ck” mentality that everyone tells you you need to achieve in order to be a badass, confident goddess? It’s Bullsh*t.

For the longest time, I have self identified as a people pleaser. At first it was seen pretty exclusively through a negative lens — and in many ways, it was something I *really* struggled with. 

  • I gave so much of myself to everyone else that there was nothing left to give myself and I would walk around every day feeling so burnt out & irritated.

  • I unknowingly practiced co-dependency in many of my relationships and rarely got any of my needs or desires met — which led to heartache, resentment and beyond. 

  • And I was SO focused on what everyone else thought about me that it led me to years of eating disorder cycles, staying in toxic relationships, staying in the closet around my queerness and my polyamory and beyond.

...just to name a few.

In todays episode of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, I break down what people pleasing really is all about and how it CAN be a superpower of yours — you just have to know what tools to implement so you can fully step out of the darkness and into your unique magic.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

Backup & fun new Instagram: @liveyourfuckyeslife

Video version of the podcast

Episode 85 with Taylor Nolan from the Bachelor

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #112: New Year, New You? I Call Bullsh*t | A Solo Episode

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Anyone else feel overwhelmed AF this time of year?

We’re already bombarded with messaging about “try this thing and you’ll magically be happy and healthy and madly in love with yourself” throughout the year, and this time of year, it comes out in MF intensity.

I know your heart is endlessly seeking growth. Self awareness. Self Love. Healing. I’m right there with you, love.

But I also know where the magic of that path lies…and it’s NOT in that new diet, workout program, business coach, new career path, meditation app and beyond.

In todays episode, I’m sharing with you my tried & true practices as I step into a new year/season with intention in the way that nobody wants to talk about because it’s not gonna sell the big bucks and isn’t easily marketable. The inner reflection work that ACTUALLY sets you up to step into your unique magic and embody YOUR f*ck yes self.

‘Cause you MF deserve to feel true self acceptance, health, joy, and wholeness.

Let’s f*cking go, shall we?

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

You Are Magic Banner Shop

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients come Jan 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if it’s a good fit.

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #109: Looking Back on My Three Year Journey With BRCA | A Solo Episode

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When I saw that December 3rd 2020 fell on a Thursday — the same day a podcast has dropped into your earbuds almost every day barring season breaks for the last (almost) 3 years, I knew that the Universe knew what was up.

This date will forever go down in history as a reminder of me navigating my preventative double mastectomy for two reasons:

1) On December 3rd, 2018, I went under the knife and had my surgery.

2) On December 3rd, 2019, I released my book I Chopped Off My Tits into the world.

So when I was thinking about how to honor what this day means to me, and, really, what the last almost 3 years of sifting through the fears and feels around all things BRCA — I thought it would be pretty epic to go back to when it all began: February 6th, 2018, two days after my 27th birthday, when I got the call from my doctor that I was, in fact, positive for the BRCA 1 gene and travel through time together via the podcast and my book and current real time expressions.

Fear? Working through the feels? Sifting through anything that impacts our mental health, physical health, relationships, work, sex lives and beyond? It can feel OVERWHELMING AF. Especially because we’re endlessly taught that we need to have our shit together through the mess. The shoulds can be so f*cking suffocating. I know because I was there, love.

And I hope this episode reminds you that no matter what you’re facing, you’re not alone in the mess. I’ve got you. The Live Your F*ck yes community has you. So curl up and let’s go on this journey together.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

Episode 6

Episode 44

Episode 78

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

1:1 coaching — I am accepting 2-3 new coaching clients come Jan 2021. Apply here to set up a call to see if we’re a good fit.

Episode #107: My Eating Disorder Recovery Story | A Solo Episode

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This episode is coming out almost 5 years to the day of my rock bottom of my eating disorder — something I didn’t realize until I started recording this week.

I haven’t really talked about this subject and my story around my eating disorder in its entirety on the podcast before. Mostly because I haven’t been ready. I haven’t known how to put into words what the experience has been for me because, really, as anyone navigating the cycle of eating disorders and/or body dysmorphia and shame around our bodies knows, the recovery process is an ongoing one.

Today, on the podcast, I share my story and what my recovery process these last 5 years have really looked like. And I deep dive into what the last 3 months in particular have taught me about what it can really mean to come home to your body and feel liberated in your own skin.

Whether you’ve experienced or are in the throws of an eating disorder or not, if you are a human who has ever felt shame around your body, if you’ve struggled to love and accept yourself for all of yourself and have lived your life from a place of shoulds and overwhelm, this episode is for you.

Episode #100: This Is Pride (We're Here And We're Queer)

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100 episodes.

Just saying that out loud feels surreal. 100 episodes ago, I launched this podcast with a dream — a dream to cultivate a space for real, honest and candid conversations around all sorts of topics. I didn’t know where it was going to go. But I knew that the conversations I was having around taboo or TMI subjects behind closed doors with my friends and fellow entrepreneurs were ones that needed to be shared publicly.

When we leave things unsaid or don’t talk about things in the open, shame around that subject develops. And if there’s anything that I strive for with all of the work that I do is to embolden everyone I teach and come across to revel in their uniqueness and release anything holding them back not allowing them to live their f*ck yes life.

And I do it alongside of them. Alongside of you. Because coming home to yourself is lifelong work — and the deepest and most important work a human can do, in my opinion.

Owning my queerness has been a huge part of my coming home story. A year ago, almost to the date, I came out publicly on the podcast as bisexual. And today, as we close out season 4, I am deeply honored to be joined by eight queer humans that I deeply admire, respect and love to celebrate Pride and the LGBTQ+ community.

This podcast takes a format unlike any episode I’ve ever done. And I can’t wait for you to listen. To absorb these stories. To hear yourself in their voices (no matter how you identify sexually). And to help me celebrate 100 episodes.

You ready? Let’s go.

Episode #92: The True Path To Inner Peace | A Solo Episode

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COMING HOME TO OURSELVES ISN’T ABOUT LEARNING SOMETHING NEW OR BECOMING LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY SEEM TO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER. IT’S ABOUT STEPPING OUT OF THE CAGE WE’VE BUILT TO KEEP US SMALL AND “ACCEPTABLE” AND UNLEASHING OUR UNAPOLOGETIC SELVES.

In the past few years, I’ve dove off the deep end to radical inner work that has allowed me to break down the boxes I had spent so much of my life living inside (boxes that slowly built around me without me even fucking realizing it because THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS.)

It’s been a journey of unbecoming. Of liberation. Of unapologetically showing up as my true self, facing fear head on and shedding the layers of what was never mine to begin with.

Today’s episode, we deep dive into what that can look like, and how you can use this time to amplify your sense of self instead of lose it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

Grab your copy of I Chopped Off My Tits

Connect with Amanda on her Instagram about Unapologetically Confident


WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — 50 % off right now during the pandemic!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult 

Episode #90: What I've Learned About Myself A Month Into Quarantine | A Solo Episode

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How can we use this time to develop a deeper connection to self? Listen to todays episode. I’ve got you.

In this episode, I share about what I’ve learned about myself in a month of quarantine. It’s been a wild and bumpy ride, for all of us. And I’ve had SO many things on my heart that I’ve wanted to share with all of you so this episode was a MUST.

I hope that in sharing my heart, you can hear your heartbeat through these words too and know you’re not alone.

LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

Grab your copy of I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram

Untamed by Glennon Doyle


WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — 50 % off right now during the pandemic!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult

Episode #87: The Fuck Yes Threesome | A Solo Episode

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Get your head out of the gutter — or don't. Who am I kidding. You KNOW threesomes and anything taboo are welcome here! Ha.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing a quick mindset tool to help you navigate all of the stress, fear and anxiety you’re facing right now — something I’ve coined the Fuck Yes Threesome.

Why are positive coping mechanisms more important than ever right now? I bring ya some science nerdery on how our brains and bodies are wired and what you can do to help avoid chronic stress burnout and debilitating health impacts from this pandemic with these three simple steps.

LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

Grab your copy of I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram


WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — 50 % off right now during the pandemic!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult

Episode #6: Facing Fear Head On | Solo Episode

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EPISODE SNEAK PEEK

"Some days you feel on top of the world and some days you feel like a hot a** mess. And sometimes you go through something in your life that completely knocks you off your feet -- in amazing ways and in terrifying ways -- and I'm facing the latter right now." 

This is the last thing I thought I'd be sharing with you on the podcast today.

On February 6th, 2018, two days after my 27th birthday, I got a call that changed everything. That shook me to my core and has left me processing and spinning and navigating this new found identity.

I almost didn't share this. 

But it's my mission to be transparent AF and share the mess and goddamn if this is not the messiest thing in my own life right now.

And I hope it brings some light to yours. That you feel just a little less alone. And that if you're going through something like this or know someone in your life that is, that this gives you the strength to know that whatever you are facing, you are STRONG enough to navigate it.

Feel the feels, take action and show up for your goddamn life.

Here are a few things I touch on in todays episode:

  • Why I'm in the midst of another "quarter life crisis"
  • The power of your gut
  • Why I chose the word UNAPOLOGETIC for 2018
  • The fear I'm facing every single freaking day
  • The power of a shower sob fest
  • Choosing to be a warrior, not a worrier

    •