communication

Episode #155: Let's Talk Non-Traditional Relationships with Dedeker, Emily & Jase of Multiamory

You probably know them as the trio that started the Multiamory podcast, and I’m so honored to know them as peers, friends and colleagues. When they reached out to let me know that their book was getting ready to be released and that they wanted to come on the podcast to share, it was an easy f*ck yes.

If you are new to these incredible humans, Jase, Emily, and Dedeker have spent the last decade raising awareness, providing approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. Today, with hundreds of episodes, millions of downloads around the world, and a rapidly growing community, they are dedicated to offering practical advice and communication tools, grounded in the latest relationship research, guest experts, and years of professional experience. 

I’m so grateful for them and their commitment to this work. And if you happen to be experiencing them for the first time via this podcast, I’m so stoked to introduce you to all things Multiamory.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • what their work in the relationship sphere has taught them most about their own experience in relationships

  • why there’s been a surge of folks stepping into non monogamy the last few years

  • what tools in the book that they personally use the most

  • how it’s okay to breakup

  • navigating conflict, PTSD and somatic support, praise kinks, fighting for visibility & beyond!

CONNECT WITH EMILY, JASE & DEDEKER:

Get the Multiamory book - preorder today, available 5/23/23

Multiamory’s Instagram | Tik Tok

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Dedeker’s original episode

Ambiamory

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

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Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #139: Expectations Really Are The Root Of All Heartache

Okay I know the title is cliche but I did that for a reason ‘cause as we get into people pleasing season around these parts and what causes so much harm to so many of us, I wanted to get into something important we’ve never explicitly talked about on the podcast: expectations.

In todays episode, Amanda dives into how expectations have caused a lot of pain in her life, and her system for identifying if expectations we have a rooted in our knowing or a false sense of self, and then how to communicate and interact with our own expectations and the expectations of others.

If you’ve ever had someone not meet your expectations or had someone be upset with you for not meeting theirs, this episode is for you.

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support sessions

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

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Episode #110: The Happiest Season? Not So Happy After All | A Solo Episode

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I was so excited to watch this movie. So excited. A holiday rom com center in around a queer couple on a major network AND one with many queer voices and folx behind the scenes? After a long and hard week, I was SO ready to get in my cozies, soak up the Christmas tree and have my big ol’ bi heart feel seen and get into the holiday spirit.

And instead of experiencing the feel good beautiful holiday love story I was so ready to receive, I spent almost the entirety of the movie feeling triggered, angry and frustrated. And also openly weeping because so much of this story depicted aspects of my own journey as a queer and polyamorous human and damn, was it hard for me to watch. 

I deep dive into this at length in todays of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, but here are the Coles notes (YES I mean Coles and not Cliffs. Y’all Americans took that shit from us Canadians and repurposed it and COLES CAME FIRST BITCHES).

For one — and this is MAJOR and damn am I so tired of it — there were hardly any BIPOC on screen (god forbid a main character — we need to do better) or any representation of body diversity — ‘cause all queer folx are obviously thin *rolls eyes* This movie centered around privilege in more ways than I know how to count and while it’s true that these experiences reflect *some* of the LGBTQ+ experience, it is not the norm BY ANY MEANS. It’s 2020. We need to do better.

Moving beyond those very deeply important things, this movie, as sooo many rom coms have been for years, was, in my opinion (and take that with whatever grain of salt ‘cause I can only ever speak from my own experiences and my understanding of this work from years of therapy and research ‘cause I’m a communication and relationship dynamics nerd), fraught with SO many problematic relationship dynamics: 

To name a few that I speak deeper around in todays episode:

  • intense lack of consent

  • emotional abuse that gets rewarded

  • bullying on SO many levels

  • divorce-shaming

  • homophobic parents who magically change their mind overnight

…and that’s just scratching the surface. 

And that can…all be, I suppose, downplayed because “it’s just a story! aren’t all rom coms or cheesy holiday movies like this?” or “at least there’s representation!” — I stand by this one for sure, and I know many lesbians and LGBTQ+ humans who are grateful for this piece of it so HELL YEAH, at least we got a minor win there. But for gods sake, the LGBTQ+ community is not new. We’ve been around for a fucking LONG time. We’ve been kept in the closet. Navigated so much of the shame and triggering experiences around coming out and it’s exhausting. This movie is, in my opinion, not for the queers — as it has been marketed to us for months. I honestly don’t know who it’s for. 

I’ve spent the last few days speaking with MANY of you in my DMs on Instagram and have been ruminating on my thoughts and after almost a hundred of you asked me to do an episode around my feelings, I knew I needed to turn on the mic. 

So head on over to todays episode of the pod to hear my deeper thoughts and feelings around this, and some personal anecdotes of my own life that I’ve never shared before.

I’d love to hear your thoughts after you listen. We’ll be talking more about this in the NEW Live Your F*ck Yes Life patreon private Facebook group too so if you’re a member (or hop in and become a new member, I’ll see you in there!

And for all of my fellow LGBTQ+ — no matter what your experiences or where you’re at in your own coming out journeys — I see you. I love you. You are so fucking enough. 

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Virtual Summit — replay access

Episode 100 - This Is Pride: We’re Here and We’re Queer

The Happiest Season on Hulu

Feel Good - watch on Netflix

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 2-3 new coaching clients come Jan 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if it’s a good fit.

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #85: How Reality TV Gives Us A Skewed AF Way Of Seeing The World with Taylor Nolan

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I’m so excited to share this amazeballs conversation with you on the podcast today with the one and only Taylor Nolan. You may recognize her from as one of Bachelor nation’s most talked about contestants (and one of my personal favorites to ever come from the franchise). If you aren’t familiar with her work and life outside of that space, get READY because she walks the walk on real talk, authenticity and candor.

Taylor is a psychotherapist and host of Let's Talk About It podcast, creating space for meaningful conversations around taboo topics like mental and sexual health. 

And today, we deep dive into all things reality tv and the impact that shows like the Bachelor and Love is Blind (#spoileralert — watch the show!) have on our society and cultural norms as a whole.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • Her thoughts and feelings on reality tv now that she’s two years out of her Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise experience

  • The lack of representation in reality tv

  • Why we both love Love Is Blind and our deep thoughts around allllll the shiz there with Carlton, Cameron and Lauren and Gigi and Damien’s relationship

  • Sexuality, purity/innocence complex, toxic monogamy

  • How The Bachelor is basically polyamory

  • Non monogamy, non traditional relationships, our favorite vibrators and beyond!

Episode #81: Twenty Nine Lessons I Learned in This Past Year | A Solo Birthday Edition Episode

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Happy start to season 4 of the podcast!!

Before I deep dove into all the juicy content coming your way this season (AND BREAKING OPEN SOME TOPICS THAT WE HAVE NEVER COVERED ON THE POD), I wanted to share my heart with all of you and go back to my annual birthday tradition of sharing all of the lessons I’ve learned in the past year! 2019 was a BIG one my friends.

Spoiler alert: I get super emotional on today’s episode. What’s new.

Welcome to the mess, the shifts, the joy and all the in-between!

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • The intense awakening I’ve had in the last 3 months and what I’ve been up to since the end of season three

  • 29 lessons I learned in my 29 years on this earth

  • We cover things from relationships to identity to personal growth to health and beyond!

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:

Teami blends — use code LYFYL for 20% at checkout!

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

If/Then the musical

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on Itunes!

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UNAPOLOGETICALLY CONFIDENT COURSE

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership